FROM A THURSDAY / FROM A FRIDAY

one half of me is damp with the smell of beer and my brain won’t sit still, when i obsess over the right, the left gets fatter. one begins to offset the other. i dropped an entire slice of birthday cake on the ground by my feet, my chair begins to tip, if i think about him too long, my whole brain will tip the scales and everything i have ever felt will be at the pit of my stomach and then leaving me as upchuck straight from my mouth -

my mother’s curled up in a ball at the edge of the sofa. she’s a slug and i am six years old in a shower cap. she’s at the last step by my bare naked feet, looking up at me, and her hands shake when she questions where i will step next -

it feels like someone latched onto a cord in the midst of my gut and yanked it. there’s a crack in the blinds and someone is clutching onto his thigh and all i can think about is the skin wearing off my ankles as i’m remembering that i have never ran my fingers over that feeling. the fourth dimension and your voice after a few drinks is rippling through my ears, but all i can think about is how thin these socks are -

i’ve bruises on each wrist and the bones that make my ankles are exhausted. my bottom lip is drying out because i’ve my eyes clamped shut. i am dissembling every fracture of your being; i don’t want to meet this you - 

JOURNAL ENTRIES #63, #77, #66, #71

15th of February 2014, 12:39AM

my pen was leaking before i began 

they missed their last bus

i had my wipers on because i was afraid the beads of rain would cast shadows on my calves 

i am in love with your teeth but not your tongue and i am in morse code and i would rather watch the space above your shoulder and beneath your chin than meet  your eyes

19th of March 2014, 2:00AM

i can’t get a grasp on the rest of my life and pimples are linking the edges of my face 

i hate the sound of metal scraping against my teeth and the word masturbation 

28th of Feburary 2014, 12:17AM 

wiping my snot on the back of your shirt and a fear of unreciporated* feelings

*and a fear of misspelling reciprocated

16th of March 2014, 11:43PM 

bled from my nose three days in a row and now my menstruation blood is transparent 

transparency

i ask the page

who taught you to pitch up that veil?

the page blinks

and now i’m blind

but i still have glow worms in my eyes

i ask the page

did you see who drilled into the side of my brain?

words escape

and thoughts are airborne

but i kept a grasp on all the capital letters

i ask the page

who taught you to be so unforgiving?

reluctance sits

and it’s unclear now

but my mind’s eye caught a glimpse

(Note: I AM STUDYING AT UNIVERSITY NOW AND AM GRAUALLY LOSING TIME TO WORK ON PRIVATE WRITING PROJECTS BESIDES WORK I DO FOR THE LE SIGH, SO HAVE SOME PRETENTIOUS POETRY I WROTE FOR CLASS INSTEAD)